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Survivor, an Excerpt from Senior Writing Project

Marilynn Anater, 2010

        Before I had a chance to wonder why Gregg was calling me in the middle of the night, “Call from, Gregg,” appeared on the screen again, accompanied by the all-too familiar vmmm, vmmm of my phone’s vibration.

        “Hello?” I answered, curious, though still dazed and a little groggy.

        “Hi, Kristi, did I wake you up?” Gregg’s voice sounded soft, almost to the point of a whisper.

        “No, it’s ok, I just couldn’t find my phone in time to get your call,” I answered. I couldn’t have him thinking I was lame enough to be asleep at 2:00am on a Friday night. “What’s up?”

        “I just-,” he hesitated a moment, “needed someone to talk to.”

        “Why, what happened?” Sensing this could be a long conversation, I crawled back into my bed to stay warm.

        “I don’t want to talk about it on the phone, can I see you?”

        “Are you serious?” I asked, shocked that he would make such a demand in the middle of the night.

        “Yeah. I hate talking on the phone and this is kinda a big deal. I really need to talk to you.”

        “Can this wait until tomorrow? I could probably meet up with you somewhere then,” and not be sneaking around in the middle of the night risking my life, I added to myself.

        “I can’t. I had a huge fight with my stepdad and I can’t go home.”

        “So, wait, you’re just driving around?” By this time I was definitely wide awake, and scared. Scared that my parents would hear me on the phone and come down to see what was going on, scared that Gregg was driving around in an emotional state and a threat to himself and to others, and scared that this was a bigger situation than I was able or willing to handle.

        “No, I’m not just driving around,” Gregg mockingly said, “If I got busted for breaking that stupid curfew they put on new drivers again, I’d lose my license.”

        “Oh, well that’s good.” I said, not knowing what else to say.

        “Listen, Kristi, I know it’s a big deal and I wouldn’t ask you if this weren’t super important. I just really need someone to talk to.”

        “It’s more than just a ‘big deal,’ Gregg,” I replied, “My parents would physically kill me if I snuck out.” I couldn’t stop my mind from racing as I thought about all the punishments and lectures that would undoubtedly be waiting for me if I were to get caught.

        “Then don’t sneak out.” Gregg stated.

        “Ok, good. I’m sorry, Gregg, but it will be better if we just talk about it on the phone or tomorrow.”

        “No, that’s not what I meant,” he answered, laughing. “I’m outside, open the door and let me in.”

        “You’re WHAT?!”

        “Outside. Didn’t you hear me knocking on your door a little while ago?”

        I glanced over at the double doors leading from my room to the back yard. I could barely make out the profile of a person standing outside. I didn’t even know what to say.

        “Kristi? Please let me in.”

        “No! I’m not letting you in! You can’t just show up here in the middle of the night like that. My parents will flip. Your parents will flip wondering where you are. What the heck are you doing?” I was mad, and couldn’t contain it anymore.

        “Shhh, calm down, you’ll wake someone up,” he tried to soothe.

        “I’m not going to wake anyone up, their rooms are all too far away to hear anything anyway. You shouldn’t be here. Go home.”

        “Just come out here and we can talk about it, ok?”

        “No. Go home.”

        “I’m not going home. I’m not ready to go back there and I have no where else to go, so I’m just staying here whether you talk to me or not.”

        I could see his outline sit down on the back patio. I sighed, I couldn’t have him sitting there all night. That would not go over well at all in the morning. “If I come out there and talk to you will you promise to go home when we’re done?”

        “I promise.”

        “OK,” I said, getting out of bed and reaching for a sweatshirt, “Give me a second to get dressed and I’ll be right out.

        “Actually, Kristi, it’s raining, can’t I just come in there?”

        I hesitated. Was it really any worse that he was here and we were sitting outside than if we were sitting dry in my room? Both were pretty equally horrible in my mind. “Fine, you can come in here,” I said, walking toward the door and unlocking it.”

        “Thanks,” Gregg stood up and made his way to the door, “See you in a sec,” the screen of his Razor glowed briefly in his hands before he flipped it shut. Almost an instant later he was at the door.

        “I can NOT believe you came over here in the middle of the night!” I hissed at him.

        “I know, I’m sorry, I couldn’t go home and I didn’t know where else to go. Pus, I just had to talk to you anyway.” He sounded apologetic and frustrated all at the same time.

        “For the record, I do NOT feel ok about this,” I told him, turning my back to him and walking back towards my bed. “We’re going to talk for a few minutes and then you are getting out of here. You can sit on my desk chair,” I added, almost as an after thought as I sat down to face him.

        “Hey, calm down,” Gregg said, walking after me, “Please, just give me a hug, it’s been a really rough night.”

        I conceded, letting him bend over me and wrap his arms around me in a tight hug. As he held me, he breathed a deep sigh and I could smell a strong stench of alcohol on his breath. I thought I felt him lose his balance, but as our bodies tiled backwards onto the bed, their movement was too slow and controlled to truly be accidental. I wriggled my body a little bit to signal that I was done with the hug and he relaxed his grasp, pulling his arms out from under my body and pushing himself up on his elbows, though still leaning over my reclined body.

        “Thanks. I feel better already.” He said.

        “Good,” I replied, blushing as I realized what position our bodies were in. My legs were still dangling over the edge, but his hips and thighs were pressed firmly into mine as he looked down at me. I felt a little thrill at the sensation, but also great discomfort at the familiarity that my friend’s boyfriend was showing to me. Gregg was not a big guy, but he was solid, and big enough that I wasn’t going to be able to get out from under his body without his help. “You’re pinching my leg,” I told him, trying to tactfully get him off of me.

        “Sorry,” he replied, shifting his weight as he slid his leg was off mine and lodged it between my legs instead.

        Not much better, I thought to myself, maybe if I change the subject he’ll get distracted and move. “Have you been drinking?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory or uncomfortable, though y voice shook, nervously.

        “No,” Gregg said, stalling as he rolled to his side next to me, “That’s from the…fight.”

        “Let me guess, your stepdad threw a bottle of liquor at you,” I replied, sarcastically. I tried to be light about the conversation as I sat up and put some more distance between our two bodies. I couldn’t explain why, but Gregg was making me feel really uncomfortable.

        “Yeah, something like that. Kristi, stop moving and let me just look at you.”

        “What?” I asked, pulling away a little more.

        “It’s just good to see a friendly face again, that’s all.”

        “Oh, ok,” I felt bad for being distant and squeamish. Afterall, the poor guy had just had a huge fight with his stepfather and only wanted some comfort and consolation.

        “Give me another hug.” Gregg demanded as he reached up and pulled my body down from its sitting position and into his own.

        This time, I hugged back, conscious of his apparent need for comfort and support. Feeling my response, his arms tightened around me and he pulled me closer.

        “Kristi,” he whispered, before sliding his left hand behind my neck and kissing me firmly.

        The kiss sent electric shoots down my body and I felt myself grow warm with embarrassment. I hesitated a moment, letting him kiss me as I tried to process what was going on. What is he doing? I screamed to myself I’m his girlfriend’s best friend! I turned my head away just as his tongue searchingly separated my lips. “What are you doing?!” I almost yelled at him.

        “Kristi, I just-“ he tightened his grip on the back of my head and pulled me into him for another kiss.

        “Gregg, stop!” I yelled, thrashing to try to get out of his grasp. He had positioned himself squarely above me, pressing all his weight down onto me and his face against mine muffled the sound of my cries.

        Still holding my neck tightly with his left hand, Gregg used his right hand to pull my right leg up, bending it at the knee and wedging it between our bodies. I felt a shock of pain run down my thigh and into the muscles of my butt as his weight settled down against me again.

        Leaning his chest into my leg, he pushed my clawing right arm under my body, pinning it below. He moved his left hand from my neck and gripped my left arm firmly at the elbow, digging his fingers into the soft skin and causing my arm and to feel numb.

        Still pressing his face into mine to muffle my screams, he pulled my sweatpants and underwear off my butt and up my legs. He slipped his right hand up to cover my mouth before pulling his head away. “Don’t scream and carry on,” he said, giving me a piercing look, “You’ll just make me mad and it’s not like anyone will hear you anyway.”

        I felt the tears well up in my eyes. This was really happening. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to do. As I felt his hand pull off of my mouth and move to his sweatpants I started sobbing, “No, no,” I moaned as the tears streamed down my face, “Please don’t, Gregg, please.”

        He slapped his hand against my mouth, hard, cutting my lip. “I told you to stop carrying on!” he yelled; “Now shut up and then I’ll leave you alone.”

        It’s hard to accurately predict time when in a state of semi-consciousness. It could have been a few minutes, it could have been half an hour, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that the next few minutes, however many there were, were a blur. And, when it was over, he just left. Left me lying there; my legs stretched out on the bed; my pants still pulled down, the elastic torn; tears streaming down my empty face.

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All Information Copywright by Chimes Publication, Saint Mary's College 2010